I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
