at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize