dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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