i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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