i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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