Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
