im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
