i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just pee around me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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