This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
