i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
