Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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