you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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