i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
