haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
