I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
