I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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