this beer tastes like vomit already
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize