I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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