Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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