Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
