so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
