update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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