Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
