Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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