he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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