The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
