he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
