Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
