all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
