I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
