It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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