just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
