I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
