Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
