i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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