He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So squirting runs in the family.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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