tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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