I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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