please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
