6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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