your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
