hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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