Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
