do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
