Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
