We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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