You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
