I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
