my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
