This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
