When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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