She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
