Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.