You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.