Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".