not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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