God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am puke
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
