Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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