I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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