Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
